I DON'T want children and it's ok

Photographer: Missy Gibbs

I have been meaning to record a Youtube video about this topic a while ago and just never got around to doing it. I was pondering on the thought and topic and felt like...why should I even have to explain my reasoning? Its my choice...but I feel like in today's society a woman saying she doesn't want children is such a taboo and I find it very interesting.

When I was younger like 11/12years old I think I wanted about 8 children (I know...I was a child clearly LOL) but I think it was because everyone wanted children. It just wasn't a thing that you heard of,that a woman or girl dreamt of a life with no children. I can't tell you the exact date of when I decided children weren't for me, I don't even know how I came to the decision, but that's my decision and I won't apologise for it.

At the age of 31, I am starting to get asked that golden question: ''When are you having kids?'' and when I say, ''I'm not''....the reply is always...''why?'' and that always makes me feel some type of way,because its as if I said something so wrong. Maybe its the way society is set up that women are just meant to want and desire for children, because that is what our womb is there for,but some of us don't...and its as simple as that.

Jacket & Shoes: Treton (gifted)

For me, I don't have the feeling. I just don't desire children. Now could that change one day? ....who knows.. *in my Wendy William's voice* I'm a woman and I'm allowed to change my mind...but I doubt very very very very highly it will. Some have said...''you haven't met the right man yet, it will change when you do''...but erm.. I dunno what that has to do with anything because the man I decide to be with will know I don't want children and can do whatever he wants with that information, but my decision is mine. There are also many who say, well good luck finding a man because a huge percent already have children or want children...well so be it. I'm not in a rush to be a in relationship..I've been single 6 years.

It makes me think about a situation Jeannie Mai, host of talkshow The Real experienced in her marriage. She previously has said when she first met her ex-husband she explained that she didn't want children and he felt the same. Mai said in the last year of her marriage she saw her husband change and he expressed that he wanted children and she still didn't. They went to conseling to try and work through it, but they divorced and he went on to have a child with another woman soon after they divorced (I believe cheating was also a reason for divorce..but hey that's their business) What I found very interesting was the way everyone was putting pressure on Mai to have a child to satisfy her husband's desire because she was his wife and she wasn't fulfilling her duties, which bugged the heck outta of me. What about Mai's feelings? Is she not allowed to be in control of her womb or since she is married, she just has to do as her husband pleases. Did anyone consider that if Mai had a child, she could resent the child, experience postpartum depression, resent her husband or more? I just think its so disrespectful on many levels to expect women to have children due to everyone else's pressures or thoughts. I respect Mai so highly that she stuck to her decision and seems to be happily divorced.

I also think that asking a woman about when she is having children is quite invasive.
Who said she is able to have children in the first place? 
How do you know if she has experienced a miscarriage,abortion or trama previously? 
Why does it effect your life? 
What if she just doesn't want kids? 
These are all things people should consider before asking that question, or just mind ya business. That works also.

Not wanting to have children does not make me less of a woman in any shape or form. It is just not an importance in my life and its ok.

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  1. In present days, more and more people refuse to have children. To my mind it is due to our modern life, where people have no time for their kids.

  2. I think that there will be the time when you will say to yourself, "I want to have kids". This is just because of your age. You are too young yet!